The Survival Story...

Well, I got through yesterday, obviously. :-) The baby finally settled into a long nap in the afternoon, which enabled me to whip through the dessert making and the cleaning. I never did get the cat-puke stain cleaned up though, whoops!

The kids had a good day at school despite the morning, so that was good. We'll be having a talk about less arguing/more cooperating soon though.

The dinner got made, albeit a little more hectically than I would have liked. Memegrl, thanks for the great suggestion to cut up the watermelon, it made me realize I needed to adjust my expectations and be more realistic. The weather cleared up while the kids were here and they were able to enjoy being outside, spreading out, and relaxing while simultaneously inhaling their dinner. I learned that baby carrots are no match for watermelon. The entire watermelon was gone in 5 minutes, the baby carrots barely touched. The gyros were a hit though. I was glad dinner went well because when they went to the football game, the lightening and storming was so severe they never got off the buses! That was a first.

The computer has been resurrected, hopefully. Mark came home and determined the problem was the video card. I was able to get the two files I needed, our checkbook and our budget program backed up so I can use them on either the desktop or laptop, so I felt much, much better about that. He was able to put in a new video card, but now the sound is not working, so the quest to fix it goes on, but it's obviously not the motherboard, so that's great news.

I discovered that support makes a wonderful difference. Even though I did have to do everything myself yesterday, posting my worries and getting such terrific supportive comments really did make me feel much better. Thank you. It was also great to have my hubby come home as the kids were leaving and insist on cleaning everything up since he wasn't able to help me get ready. See? I've told you he's a good guy.

Thanks for being there yesterday, thanks for the feeling of community, that people out there care. It truly was priceless and made all the difference in the world in how I felt. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Personally? I'm dreaming of doing absolutely nothing I don't want to do. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

A breakdown

I'm having a really, really bad day. I can't vent to my best friend because when you are a really good sales person who has found tremendous personal and professional pride on what a good salesperson you are and right now you haven't made a decent sale in a really scary long time, you're not a good person to vent to. My other best friend is working during the day for the next few weeks, so, lucky you, you get the breakdown. I don't have a lot of friends.

• Julianna started first grade today and I really, really miss her. I miss Jacob too. It's hard to have kids around all day and they're not the kids I want around all day.
  
• I sent my kids off to school today by yelling and screaming at their selfish, unacceptable behavior. Good times. Exactly the way you want to send your kids off to school.
• The two year old I watch has absolutely no interest in listening. Ever. An all day, all week battle of the wills is kicking my butt.
• The baby I watch is wonderful, but requires lots of attention (go figure), and I have to prepare marching band dinner tonight for 20 high school kids by 2:40, all by myself, while simultaneously taking care of said baby, doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming...
• ...and trying to rebuild our financial information because our desktop computer, where I keep all of our financial information--checkbook with a little important thing like the balance as well as our budget that shows what has been paid and what needs paid died today. Just died. Gone. No warning. I have now spent three hours I did not have trying to figure out if I can afford to grocery shop this weekend, and how much I can spend.
  
• Playing video games on that system is the only stress relief my stressed-out-not-so-fun-to-be-with hubby gets right now...and it's gone...good times.
• No matter how hard we work, no matter how much money we make, it never seems to be enough...mere drops in a very discouraging, very large, bucket.
• My daughter started her senior year yesterday and I am in no way ready for this to be the beginning of her senior year.
  

Instead of the nice sunny cookout I imagined for 20 hungry, restless, teenagers, it looks like it will be storming so they will be inside our very tiny house, which will be too hot filled with all those bodies, while I either stand out in the rain at the grill or overheat the house even more broiling chicken and warming pitas.

I have 2 and a half hours to feed a baby two bottles, give cuddles and affection, clean my kitchen, bake brownies, make rice krispie treats, make oatmeal m&m bars, ball up a watermelon, clean two bathrooms, do three loads of laundry, vacuum a family, living and dining room, shred lettuce, chop up tomatoes, slice onions, make iced tea, set up a buffet, clean up a cat-puke stain...overwhelmed yet? Me too. Thanks for listening. Actually, I do feel a mite better...the power of blogging.

A New Look WW

Check out more wordless wednesday photos.

Meal Plan

Saturday dinner--grilled pizza, grilled asparagus

Sunday lunch--brats, chips, veggies

Sunday dinner--Cobb Salad

Monday--Bourbon Chicken, rice, pea pods, potstickers

Tuesday--Southwestern Chicken Salads

Wednesday--Grilled pork chops, grilled new potatoes, grilled asparagus, wedge salad

Thursday--Kung Pao Chicken, rice

Friday--Marching Band Sectional--at our house (What was I thinking???) Chicken gyros, chips, veggies, fruit, rice krispie treats, brownies, oatmeal m&m bars.

Next week I need to work in: Salmon with pineapple salsa and Southwestern Black Bean and Brown Rice Burgers ...does this happen at your house? "What sounds good for dinner you guys?" "We don't know/don't care/no idea." "Well, this is what I planned and made my grocery list for." "Oh, can you make ___________ soon? Oh and this __________. Oh, don't forget this ____________." Grrr. :-) I don't really mind, I just wish they could be that helpful when I'm trying to figure it out in the first place.

We also had the best whole wheat spaghetti by DeLallo last week in the spicy orange chicken lo mein, it's left me craving more of the whole wheat pasta, so I'm on the lookout for recipes to make with that. I think I'm going to try a healthier take on spaghetti and meatballs, I'm thinking chicken meatballs with a chunky marinara sauce. Mmmmm. If you have any recipe suggestions, I'm all ears.

I saw this recipe a long time ago on Food Network's Pasta Ultimate Recipe Showdown and thought it looked good. I'm copying it here because I've burned before in the past when I wanted to go back and make a recipe and it was gone from the website. I'll have to work on a sauce though, the two people who reviewed this one did not care for it very much.

Chicken Meatballs:

• 1 pound ground chicken
• 2 large elephant ear garlic cloves, finely minced
• 3 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley leaves
• 3/4 cup grated Parmesan or Romano
• 1 egg slightly beaten with 1 tablespoon water
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/4 cup light extra virgin olive oil

Prepare Chicken Meatballs: In a mixing bowl mix together ground chicken, garlic, parsley, cheese, beaten egg, salt and pepper.
Loosely shape ground chicken mixture into meatballs no bigger than the inside palm of your hand. Should yield about 12 (1 1/2-inch in diameter) meatballs.
Heat olive oil in large nonstick frying skillet on stovetop, over medium-high heat.
Sear all sides of meatballs in hot oil until golden brown and a little firm to the touch.
Gently remove meatballs from oil with slotted spoon and drain on flat dish lined with paper towels. Cover with plastic wrap while preparing chicken gravy.

Check out more meal plans at organizing junkies.

Lunches and Dinners, Oh my!

Well, half my new job started this week and you know what? It's been fine. The boys are very likeable, the parents are as well. We're off to a good start. I could use some good ideas for inexpensive, healthy, kid-friendly lunches. Even though I've obviously been cooking kids lunches for years (and years and years, lol), I think I've gotten in a bit of a rut tailored to Jacob and Julianna's tastes. I'd definitely like to break out of that rut with these two little guys. One complication, the five year old does not like bread, so sandwiches (except grilled cheese) are out. If you've got any great ideas, I'm all ears!

Jacob and Julianna are also going to begin taking piano lessons. The person who will be teaching them seems very nice and she offered to barter for lessons. With both of them wanting to take lessons, believe me, I jumped at the chance. I offered to bring her dinner twice a month, and pay cash for the other two lessons. She loved that idea, so for September we're actually going to try me making them dinner every week and not paying at all. One thing I need to be cautious of is that there are 6 of them. I have to be careful, I could easily end up spending as much money as if I were just paying her, which would defeat the purpose of bartering. So...I could use ideas for inexpensive, yummy dinners as well. They need to be things I can either double as I'll be cooking just once for her family as well as mine, or they need to make 12 servings. Also, no fish or seafood for their family.

Thanks

Senior Night...

Band camp is almost over for Rebekah. They have two solid weeks of learning everything one can learn about formations, marching form, and playing music. They've worked hard, had some fun, and it all ends tomorrow. But...there's one more thing to do first, the annual Senior Night. Let me be honest about my bias, I HATE senior night. Senior night is when all of the current seniors go around in the middle of the night to perform mischief at the other band members homes and at the high school. There will be much TPing, writing of chalk phrases on driveways and doors, rearranging of belongings, etc. It's all in good fun, and I suppose the band members look forward as much to having it done to them as to when they're old enough to participate themselves.

So, why am I such a stick-in-the-mud? Because all of this fun and frivolity takes place apx. between the hours of midnight and 3 AM. I do not believe they need to be out at that time of night. I worry about something happening to one of the kids. Last year Rebekah and a group of her friends stayed up all night to "catch" the seniors and ambush them. What if one of those seniors had gotten hit by a car running away from the ambush? What is they had all piled back into their car and raced away only to be in an accident? What if they mistakenly went to the wrong house and some nutcase shot someone? Yes, that last one actually happened in our community. There were a group of girls out one night. They decided to go bang on a door and look in a window of a local house reputed to be haunted. Yes, they shouldn't have been doing that. No, one of them did not deserve to pay for that mistake with a greatly changed life. One young woman's life will never be the same again, and one man will spend many, many years in jail because of events of that night. I fear that one of these senior nights, something is going to happen to one of these kids and it will be an incredible tragedy.

So, why do I let her go? I don't know. It's against my instincts, but it's me against the tide. I don't want to make her excluded, I don't want to be the "wet blanket". I wish the band department would be the bad guy for me. I wish they would stop giving approval to senior night. I wish they didn't delay the start of band camp the next morning because the kids are out all night and are tired. I wish senior night would end.

So, I'll be praying for good clean fun and no one getting hurt tonight. However, I'm also working on my rain dance. A good night of pouring rain with the occasional thunder and lightening doesn't sound all bad to me...provided that would be enough to get them to stay home.

Edited: Okay, now I'm feeling completely better about this...NOT! Rebekah and a friend were in a fender bender today. No, she wasn't driving. Still, even though physically she's all right, she's shaken up emotionally. Also, now I'm informed they'll be out all night. The festivities are capped off at 3:00 am with whatever they do to the high school. Then, they go to one of the kids houses until 6:00 am, then to a band director's house for breakfast. Friday they have band camp all day; Saturday they have the biggest band fundraiser, bright and early, then she has to work Saturday night and all afternoon Sunday. I'm know I'm in mama-bear mode, but she's going to be exhausted! Have I mentioned how much I dislike senior night? *sigh*

Anxieties...

The class lists are up! Oh look, Julianna did not get the teacher I thought she would. The teacher she did get has a wonderful reputation though, she's excited about some of the kids who will be in her class with her, and she should be off to a great start.

Unfortunately...Jacob did get who I thought he would get, which is great. She's supposed to be a really good teacher, she's very strong in language arts, as is Jacob, she should be a great teacher for Jacob, which intellectually I know is the most important thing. (Insert mommy guilt here: she's the teacher I requested he have. *sigh*) Here's the unfortunate part...none of his friends are in his class. None. Jacob's got a pretty wide circle of friends. He has several 'best buds' and a wider circle of good friends as well. None of these kids are in his class. To make it worse, all of his friends are in another class...together...with the teacher he was really hoping to get...the teacher he had for kindergarten.

Jacob's already visibly stressed about starting school this year. He would much prefer to stay home forever playing, thanks. Let's just say this is not helping at all.

Am I too uptight?

I am not a tit for tat person. I'm not. Pinky swear. Still, there's a situation here that's driving me crazy. Jacob and Julianna frequently have kids over to play. No big deal. I'm starting to notice with most of these friends however that the invitations only seem to go one way. Now I have had friends in the past who have not allowed their children to have a child over until a playdate has been reciprocated. I always thought that was anal and ridiculous, now I'm sort of turning into that friend.

I don't count and keep track of play dates and expect one to one reciprocity. In general, however, it would be nice if it were pretty even. I also do not allow my kids to call and invite themselves over for a play date. It's a little different with Jacob. He's 9 now and soon to be in 3rd grade. He has one close friend he's starting to just ride over and see if he can play, and vice versa, and that's fine with me. They're also to the point they don't need much supervision, so where they play really doesn't matter much.

But, (you knew there was one, didn't you?) Julianna is six. She's about to be in first grade. Still needs a fair amount of supervision, still needs me to coordinate friends coming over. I'm getting a little cranky about friends always coming here, playing for four or five hours (I know, believe me I know, that's a long time), and the phone call never comes inviting her there. There are a couple of friends in particular whose parent's always say we'll have to have Julianna over soon, then don't. I really don't think it's her, I think it's these couple of parents.

Mark took the kids to the pool recently. (By himself, major hubby points for that one.) When they came home, Julianna excitedly told me how so and so's mommy had told her they would call soon and invite Julianna over to play. I told myself I'd believe it when I saw it, and basically told Julianna not to count on it too much. It's been mentioned a bunch of times in the past and it never happens.

Lo and behold, this afternoon the phone rang. It was this little girl. "Who's this?" she asked. I told her it was Mrs. R. She said, "I want to have a playdate with Julianna". Great, I thought! "At your house", she continued. Seriously? Well, sorry sweetie, that's not going to work right now. "Why not?" she demanded. Lame excuse followed. "Well when can I come over" she asked. I told her I wasn't really sure when would be a good time. She tried a few different ways, then reluctantly got off the phone. I felt bad. I know Julianna probably would have enjoyed herself. But I'm getting really, really tired of being used as a one-way free babysitting service.

Does this happen to you? How do you handle it? Am I too uptight?

If you can't say something nice...

Okay, I don't know any other way to approach this except to just put it out there, so that's what I'm going to do. We were visiting my parents this weekend and we were having a wonderful time. Julianna had spent all day in their pool, it was late, she was tired, and she was starting to argue a bit when we told her it was almost time to get out of the pool. My parents took the opportunity to start telling us what a hard time we were going to have with her when she's a teenager. I do not particularly care who you are. No one, outside of my husband and I in a private conversation, has the right to criticize our children. We did not like hearing repeatedly then and at other times in the past, what a hard time we're going to have with her. Neither my hubby nor I, nor Rebekah, felt like this was accurate, appreciated or appropriate, especially considering both Julianna and Jacob were within ear shot. We love all of our children very, very much. They all have had and will continue to have their challenging moments. Moments we do not choose to share with others because, quite frankly, it's no one else's business. There's no such thing as a perfect child, nor would I want there to be. How boring would that be? We wouldn't trade any of our children for anything, we do not feel that any of them are on a path to be particularly easy or difficult, and if you have a different opinion we would appreciate it if you would keep it to yourself in the future. Seriously. Not appreciated.

On another note, in my opinion, and I get one now seeing as how I am an official card carrying grandmother, even if it's not something I broadcast, to me being a grandparent means being officially blind to a grandchild's faults--real or perceived. I would never criticize my grandchildren to my son or his wife. My grandkids have wonderful, involved, parents who are on the job and completely capable of handling them. My job in their lives is to offer support to their parents and fiercely love, enjoy and spoil my grandchildren.

This is not the first time we have encountered a situation of negativity concerning Julianna and, quite frankly, it hurts. Julianna does have her opinions. She does make them known. She's also very loving, eager to please and obedient. I believe she's going to be just fine. I certainly do not "dread her teenage years". Julianna went through a lot the first couple years of her life and I believe that's where she gained a lot of her spunk. I'm proud of who she is today and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

I know my parents didn't mean to be hurtful, but it was. How do you handle situations like this? What would your response be? I'm ashamed to say that I felt so stunned I did not handle it the way I wish I had. Instead of rising above it I basically threw Jason and Rebekah under the bus, informing my parents that they too had had their moments and that none of them are perfect. While that is true, it's not really the point. If you can't say something nice; please, really, don't say anything at all.

Meal Plan Monday...

Yikes! Despite being pulled toward fall kicking and screaming, I do find myself starting to crave the security of a routine. It's time to start putting the kids to bed earlier, time to get back on top of cleaning the house, time to start meal planning. Today was the first day of band camp, inching us closer to the first day of school, and now is a great time to put down in writing what we'll be eating and being organized in my shopping. Being organized is going to be vitally important to helping our family run smoothly when I start working.

Monday--Sea scallops or salmon with classic herb butter sauce, depending on pickiness (too good to pass up at the grocery store, mmmm :-) ), caesar salad, whole wheat pasta with basil and lemon
Tuesday--Rachael Ray New England Turkey burgers with the works, grilled corn on the cob, melon
Wednesday--Chicken Gyros with tzatziki, fruit
Thursday--Plum chicken, steamed rice, broccolini
Friday--Fried rice, potstickers, sugar snap peas
Saturday lunch--grilled pizzas
Saturday dinner--??
Sunday lunch--BLT's
Sunday dinner--??

Hope you all have a wonderful and delicious week.

Change is coming...

Well, my baby starts first grade in less than three weeks. Jacob will be in third grade. Rebekah starts her senior year. I could easily hyperventilate if I think about all that too much. I know from experience this next year is going to fly by.

I will also be embarking on a big change. One I have mixed feelings about. I'm a girl that likes my feet firmly planted in cement. No change. Status quo works for me thanks.

However, since this whole 'temporary pay cut' thing looks like it's more of a permanent pay cut, and since our credit cards are definitely feeling the brunt of that, I'm going to be working this school year. Now, what's a mom who has been home with her kids for 25 years to do? There's not a whole lot out there that fits the bill. I want to be paid well, I want to have control of my hours. I want to not work much outside of my children's school day. I want to be home when my kids have a snow day, a teacher-work day, or are sick. I want to be able to watch Matt and Lily when Jason and Lori want me to. I don't want to work on school holidays. I want it all.

Okay, now I know what I want, what am I good at? Well, I'm really good at a lot of things. I could work somewhere in retail, but the pays lousy, the control's lousy, and there's no way I will get the flexibility I desire. So...I've decided to take the plunge back into home daycare. I've found two families to work for, who seem very, very nice. I've named my wage and gotten it. I would have to work more than 50 hours a week retail to make what I will be making doing what I do best--nurturing children. One family has two little boys, one is 2, one 5. The five year old will go to preschool in the afternoon so I will only have him until 12:30. I will watch them Monday thru Thursday. The other family has a two and a half month old. They're both teacher families, so the hours are good and I won't be working school holidays. It's really the best I could have hoped for.

Why do I feel so mixed? I've never watched kids before when I didn't have kids at home. It will be a very new experience. Also, can I give you a tip? When you're looking for daycare for your children, don't describe them repeatedly as "a handfull". Really. Even if they are. It's a bit...scary. :-)

The biggest thing I'm nervous about is figuring out a new, successful routine. When will I ever get anything done? Aack! Most of the toys for the boys to play with are downstairs in our family room, but if we spend all out time down there, I'll 1. go crazy, and 2. never get anything done that needs it upstairs.

When will I grocery shop? When will I run errands? When will I clean? I know it will all be fine. I know I'll get there. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have found the families I have, in many ways the situations are ideal. I'm just having a little bit of a nervous freak out here.

Any tips would be highly appreciated.

Silence

Where have I been? I'm not sure. We've been packing up and heading out a lot this summer.






We've been to 3 zoos, and a wildlife nature preserve.






We've been camping, we've been run out of camping by torrential rains.






We've celebrated Jacob turning 9. Nine! Crazy.






We've been to our beloved Lakeside.
We've also gotten to spend lots of time with Jason, Lori, Matt and Lily and my mom and dad. We got to help Jason and Lori celebrate their 5th anniversary--again, where does time go? I made a couple of trips to Cincinnati when my mom was in the hospital and we've been very thankful that she's once again healthy and on the mend.

In short, it's been a busy, busy summer. We've experienced some wonderful things, we've suffered some stresses. In the past I would have been blogging through all of it, and I'm honestly not sure why I'm not now. I appreciate the many, many comments and emails I've gotten enquiring if everything's all right and letting me know you're thinking of me. It really does mean a lot. I think part of my silence comes from the struggle that I know others of you have suffered through. It's hard to be completely honest and open when you realize people you know are reading your words. It's hard for me to feel like I want to write my blog when I know I don't feel as though I can be honest and open.

Thanks for the support. Thanks for the well wishes as I work through this. Thanks for the patience and understanding. Thanks for being there.