A Sign of the Times

Most of the time, when I hear comments like "times have changed", "our kids are going through so much more than we did", etc., I shrug it off. Kids drank when I was in school. I lost my best friend in middle school because her idea of a good time was going home everyday after school and drinking. Mine wasn't. Drugs were around when I was in school. I've been offered all sorts of things, though I always declined. Grow up in a home with a drug addict, you tend to either go down the same path, or avoid it at all costs. Thankfully, I avoided it at all costs. Kids were having sex when I was in school. The girl I knew sophomore year who had an abortion one day and was back the next as if nothing happened made a life-long impression. Parents got divorced then. There were pretty much the same problems and issues then that my kids face now.

One area that is quite a bit different is homosexuality. It was quieter then, at least in my school, my community. Subtler. I had a good friend in high school who was gay. His life was hard, probably harder because he was gay. I've been thinking a lot about him lately. Kids today are much more open about their sexuality--gay or straight. That's, in my opinion, not all bad and not all good. In our high school there are a fair amount of kids who consider themselves gay. There doesn't seem to be a stigma attached to it, they're out, they are who they are. It's out there and it's real. The kids act as though it's no big deal, but I wonder.

I worry for the kids who will get labeled as something that maybe they not really are. Once labeled as gay, I'm pretty sure that's who you will be for life, at least to all the other kids. Is that fair? Is that true?

There were two girls who were having sex in the bathroom at our high school. One happened to be 18, the other not, so the 18 year old is in a huge amount of trouble. The younger girl's father did not know his daughter was gay, he's very angry and possibly punishing the 18 year old for it. It's sad. I'm not saying what's right here, what's wrong, it's just hopelessly sad.

Rebekah has a good friend who is gay. I recently found out that this girl is gay. She's been together with her girlfriend for a long time. I like this girl a lot and knowing that she is gay is not going to change that. I will admit though it gives me pause that this girl and her girlfriend have been to our house for sleepovers. I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure nothing untoward happened, but I wouldn't allow Rebekah's heterosexual friends to have their boyfriends at sleepovers at our house. It makes me uncomfortable to think of them kissing, being physically demonstrative, in front of Rebekah. I wouldn't act 0n that uncomfortableness, I see it as my problem, but I'd by lying if I said it wasn't there.

It's hard. *sigh*

Now there's prom. A group was worked out. Everyone was excited. It's a large group, 10-12 kids. Now, one of the moms doesn't want her daughter, a good friend of Rebekah's, going in the group. I'm not clear on the reason, but I suspect it may have something to do with the couple that is made up of girls. Is homosexuality a sin? I don't know. Most of the time I don't think so, but what I do know is that the question is above my pay scale. I try not to worry too much about other people's sins or failings. I have too many of my own. I do know if my child was gay I would be sad. I'd be sad that their life was going to be that much harder. As far as society has come, there's still a long way to go. I will always love my children, being gay would certainly never change that, but I would worry for the road they'd have to travel.

Prom, the event my daughter was looking forward to with extreme excitedness, is now tarnished. Does she stay with the group and now go with her best friend? Does she go with her best friend (probably the choice her date would prefer, her best friend's date is a friend of his), knowing that another couple will also break off and go with Rebekah? It's getting at best complicated and at worst potentially ugly.

When I was in school you might have known someone was gay, but they certainly didn't date anyone, they didn't go to dances together, it wasn't front and center, in your face, you have to deal with it. It might have been easier, but in retrospect it certainly doesn't seem like it was fair. I read once the number one cause of teen suicide is homosexuality. That makes me extremely sad. I wonder if this will ever get easier?

I guess in this way life is much different, and much more complicated, than when I was in school.