Thanks June Cleaver NirvanaYeah, sorry, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and when I'm overwhelmed I *may* tend to get a bit whiny. Things are just so crazy and difficult around here...and it's mostly stuff that will all be fine, that we'll all get through, problems we're lucky to have; ya-da, ya-da, ya-da, but somehow that doesn't help when you're in the midst of it.
Friday we continued on our path of trying to figure out why Jacob's been coughing like crazy for the past 8 months. I know, that's a long time. It's not constant, it's intermittent, but pretty often. I've had three phone calls from school about it in a five week period. The doctors think he may have asthma. Maybe. It just doesn't really fit the profile, but that's the best guess. So, he's on medications that I'm not completely comfortable with him being on, for a condition I'm not at all sure I believe he has. An appointment with a specialist is forthcoming and hopefully we'll get more satisfactory answers. The thing is, he doesn't wheeze, he just coughs--a lot. But, not a typical asthma cough, this cough sounds almost croupy. (That's not just Dr. Mom, his doctor said the same things.) We'll see...
As a nice bonus he came home sick from the Cub Scout campout. Staying home today because he's still sick. I don't even want to think about how much school he's missed this year. What can you do though?
I'm grumpy. Actually I should probably shout that in all capital letters. It's easy to see why, I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed and I don't want to do any of the things that I need to do so I've put them off until it's crunch time and I'm mad at myself for that. Yeah, grumpy. I'm mad at myself for being so overweight, for not seeming to be able to do anything about it and for not exercising. Yet, honestly, I can't seem to find the time to exercise. I know it's because I don't do it, and if I can just do it, I'll find a way to fit it in, but right now, I really don't seem to be able to figure out time in the day.
I'm irritated with my daughter because she doesn't drive. I'm tired of needing to take her everywhere and mad at myself for how that sounds. It's not about taking her everywhere. Well, maybe a tiny bit. It's mostly about me feeling like where we live, driving is an essential life skill and I feel a bit like a failure because she does not have it. It's not realistic for her to be able to get a real job without the skill of driving. It's truly essential and she has no interest and now that she's leaving for school in just a few months, it's going to be very, very difficult for her to learn. Her biggest problem, I believe, is that she's leery. Well, when you don't drive, and each time is like starting all over again, it always feels like your first time and you're never going to be comfortable. If I forced her to get her temps again (and yes, that's clearly what it would take), she could drive June, July and August, then not again until November. If the weather's mostly decent she could drive for 5 weeks at break, then not again until June. If she were highly motivated, that would be no big deal, she'd do fine, she'd have her license by the end of the summer. But. She's not. She's not motivated at all. It's a very scary thing to be in the car, with your children, with someone who clearly does not want to drive. I can't force that upon her. I know, I've tried. I let it go and for the last six months or more she has not driven. But it's really starting to get very old. Very. I don't know how to say I'm not taking you everywhere anymore because you need to figure this choice you're making out so that it only impacts you, without sounding mean or harsh or like she's a burden, which she clearly is not. So, there's that.
What else? Ah, graduation. We have not planned her party, she wants to have it with another girl and nothing is happening with that and it's driving me crazy. We have not done an invite/announcement and now we're really in crunch time and it's driving me crazy.
Julianna needs a photo from each year of her life showing some significant event by Wednesday. That's a no brainer for most moms. For me? I can't even tell you how overwhelming that feels. Ditto compiling photos for Rebekah's graduation party. Hopefully things will get easier with J&J with so much being on the computer, but my photos are here there and everywhere and not organized at all. *sigh*
Okay, I think that's all of it. I'm overwhelmed and feeling guilty and for me, that's a bad combination. Hope things are much calmer for you, and much less stressful. Thanks for listening.
8 comments:
Regarding Jacob - Have you considered the possibility that mold and/or allergies from home or school are making him sick?
And about Rebekah driving - My SIL lives in Ireland, has three children, and basically walks or takes public transportation everywhere. She doesn't know how to drive, and I don't think she has the desire to learn. I say give Rebekah an option - either she learns to drive, or she can print out the bus schedule and arrange transportation herself. Or maybe she can carpool with a friend and chip in with gas money. That would be one less thing you have to worry about. Driving is a convenience, but I wouldn't say it's a necessity.
Hang in there!
I hate that feeling when everything seems to be piling up on top of you! Hope you can get you head around all that stuff you need to do and feel better in a few days.
As for your son and the cough - hope the specialist can shed some light on the issue. Hopefully it's just an allergy cough and the allergen can be easily identified and quickly removed.
As to the driving issue - it is definitely a necessity here (we have a crappy public transport system) and I think it's a great skill for anyone to have. Can she start learning now and get weekly driving lessons when she goes away to college?
Good luck!!
Hang in there! Youngest son said he didn't want to drive, and for instance I had, he had an answer. Wonder why Rebekah's so scared?
I'm sure Jacob being sick and you not knowing why is like a big brick on your shoulder. Hopefully the specialist will be able to shed some light on it.
Oh, and, I'd be really stressed if I had to send in a picture from each year of my kids' lives, too.
Hang in there...it'll get better. It's got to, right?
Some people are really scared of driving.
My daughter has the required license but will never drive.
Our 18 year old son doesn't have his license yet and is graduating this week.
Driving us just a LITTLE crazy, so I feel your pain!
Oh hun i am so so sorry that things are so overwhelming right now. Even if it is just everyday life and we should be glad for it doesnt mean it is easy to say gees God thanks. I hope it all lightens up soon and i hope they can find out what is causing the cough in Jake.
with all that going on I'd feel overwhelmed and stressed too. I hope things start to settle down for you.
Our Jacob did that year long cough too! It was worse at night. He doesn't do it anymore and I couldn't tell you exactly when it stopped. I did put a vapour plug in his room for the following winters because regardless what was causing the cough, the vapour plug opens airways.
You have had so much to deal with lately :-( Take care of you!!
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