So, how's it going?

I'm writing this update Sunday night, yet I won't publish it until I weigh in on Monday morning. I think that's fitting, because the changes that I'm making are about more than just the numbers on the scale to me.

I had a good week.

I kept a food diary everyday, every bit of food I ate. I exercised 5 times this week. It's been a long, long time since that happened. Too long.

I made decisions that I'm proud of. I made healthier choices and managed to eat in ways that left me feeling satisfied, even occasionally treated. I'm definitely not dieting, I'm trying to find my way back to normal, healthy, eating. Eating what I want, eating what my body needs and not eating too much. I ate two Reeses cups this week and knew it wasn't a big deal. And it wasn't. When I wanted something like that, my biggest strategy of the week was to try and ascertain exactly what treat it was calling my name, and if possible, to have it. That way I didn't eat a ton of other junk trying to avoid what it was I really wanted.

It was an extremely stressful week around here. The first paycheck of our new reality was a shock. A very unwelcome, scary, pull-the-rug right out from under us shock. It honestly left me frightened, and it was very tempting to throw lifestyle changes to the wind. I need to find a job. There's no longer the possibility of us saving any money at all, and we are literally one or two crisis' away from being in very big trouble. Hopefully my interview tomorrow will go well. That will enable me to at least feel confident we can meet our bills.

Right on cue our A/C went out. Hopefully, knocking on wood, it's fixed, and at a price we can find a way to afford. The bad news is that it may not really be fixed. It could break again an hour from now, or years from now, and it's not going to be possible for us to have it fixed again. Now I know plenty of people live without A/C, and we can too, it's not really about that. It's about feeling as if our safety net is gone.

I'm proud of myself that, for this week, no matter what else was going on, I found a way of living that is healthy. In the past, when life got really hard, I not only felt incapable of sticking with changes, I also found myself turning to food for comfort. This week I conquered both those issues.

I'm not under any illusions that this will be easy. Sooner or later it's going to get really old. Sooner or later, I'm going to get tired of exercising or it's going to feel really difficult to find time again or I'm going to want to stop thinking about healthy eating. Sooner or later, and in those words are, for me, I think the key. I'm not looking that far down the road right now. I'm thinking about the things I can change now. I'm drawing from the positive results I'm achieving and using that to fuel further changes.

For the first time in an incredibly long time, I'm beginning to believe in myself again, I'm beginning to believe that I can really do this, and that feeling is truly worth everything.

Update: I lost 8 lbs. Now, I don't really believe I lost 8 lbs. in a week. Still, I'm done 8 lbs. from where I was in the doctor's office last Monday morning, and I'm definitely down 8 lbs. from where I've been the last few weeks. So, I'm excited and motivated. I just don't want to get all caught up in the whole 8 lbs. thing because I know that this week it's more likely I'll lose a pound or two and that needs to be okay.

Worked out in the gym this morning. Also this morning I noticed that exercise is becoming a priority. As in I find myself looking at my day or the days ahead to figure out when I can fit it in and then rearranging things to make it happen. A good milestone.