Deep Breaths

Okay, here's what I'm going to do today, to make it a more positive day.

• I'm going to let go of feeling guilty about not having the money for school pictures. School pictures are never good anyway right? Well, rarely at least. I'm going to get the kids dressed up, in two weeks, and head out to a local park with my fancy-schmancy camera and let it earn it's place.
• I'm going to put on make-up.
  
• I'm going to straighten up one room in my house.
• I'm going to get 20 minutes of exercise. It's not enough, I know that, but it's something. For today, I think it's as much about my mental outlook as doing anything physically for myself.
• I'm not going to look at our budget again today. I'm going to just let go of it...until tomorrow morning. Stupid that I would need to coach myself to do this, but it is what it is.
• I'm going to remember to breathe. Just breathe.
• I'm going to concentrate on how very good things are right now. I have a son, daughter-in-law and 2 grandkids living two and a half minutes away!!! that I love very, very much. I have a daughter who is in her element at college, who's finally coming home in a little over a week. I have another son who is passionate about just about everything, who finds the joy in life. I have a little girl who turns 8 in a month and is so excited about everything that's going on in her life I think she's going to burst! I have a hubby that I love very much. That I'm lucky enough to weather all these times with--good and bad, at the end of the day I have someone to lay in bed with, to hold my hand, to simply be with. I have wonderful families I work for and steady work to help ease our family's troubles. I get to be home when my kiddos are home, to share their ups and their downs. I'm healthy and so are those I love....the list truly does go on and on. That's what I'm going to do my best to think about today.

Again, thanks for being there.

Mish Mash

Sorry. This is fragmented, just like my brain lately. Thank you for indulging me. ; )

• We have Julianna's orthodontic evaluation tomorrow. Cross your fingers and toes, throw salt over your shoulder, if you don't mind, say a little prayer that we can find a way to afford the treatment she needs. Man! When did life get so expensive? I'm not only stressed about paying for it, I'm also dreading putting her through it, I know she needs it, that's been pounded into my head for years now, I'm just not looking forward to the rough days she has ahead. Yes, I've been through it before with Rebekah, I know it won't always be terrible, but let's face it, there are days when having braces is pretty rough.
• Yay! for blogging. Last week I sold an ad, completely out of the blue and unexpected, that paid for some of the new battery Mark's car needed. Today, I got an email invitation for a VIP visit to an old-time Ohio festival. It's the first time anything like that has ever happened. Very exciting! Now, if only Blogger would consider me worthy enough for their ads.
• Sometimes I really wonder where the person is I used to be. Now, I think I'm about 90% stress and worry. Christmas is looming and it's really stressing me out. We'd be almost able to meet our bills without that, instead I'm looking over our budget daily, sometimes hourly, trying to figure out how we're going to do it. Exhausting.
• In a completely contradictory note, Julianna is over-the-moon at the news she's going to be a mouse in her dance studio's production of The Nutcracker. I vow not to ruin it by worrying about money, how I'm going to get her to rehearsals/performances, and how she's going to feel if I miss some performances because I have to work. My working is not easy on Julianna, she acutely wishes I could be the Mommy that's there for everything and volunteers in her classroom and at the school. Still, I'm pushing all that aside and am going to love every minute of sharing as much as I can of this special time in her life.
• My facebook friends have seen this already. It's a What Would You Do moment...Julianna asked me if the Daniel story from the bible is true. Wow did I struggle with that one. I guess I don't believe in most of the Old Testament stories as being literally true, more like figuratively teaching us something, but I certainly don't want to confuse her with that. It's confusing enough for me. Finally, after stalling for time, I lamely said, "it's in the bible, right?". To which she replied that it's awfully hard to believe it's true. Yeah, I agree. What would you do? What would you say? How do you handle things like this. Keep in mind she's 7.
• I miss Rebekah!!! Something terrible. It's different than it was with Jason. I must say it's easier to handle sans pregnancy hormones (I was 7 months pregnant when Jason went to college for the first time. Isn't it odd, I was pregnant, unknown to me, when I went to college, I was pregnant 18 years later when I took that baby to college. That's our life, lol.) I miss her all the time. She'll be home in 11 days, but who's counting? Me!!!
• Everyone should have kids as widely spaced as ours. We were lucky enough to have Jason babysit Saturday while Mark and I got some much needed time alone together. Awesome. Quite the wonderful gift. Of course, we watched Matt & Lily Friday night for them. It's nice trading off. The kids have lots of fun, the grown ups get some grown up time. Win=win. We liked it so much while the kids were at Sunday School Sunday we snuck out to have coffee together. Make time when we can is going to be our new mantra.
• Monday's going to be our soup or salad night. It seems to be the way to go with our wicked Monday night schedule. Tonight was Southwestern Chicken Salad. Yum!
• What's up with Brother and Sisters? I watched last night, but I wasn't any happier with it than I was with the season finale last year. It's as if they've decided they didn't like the series anymore so they've torn up all the cards and started over...and not in a good way. I'll give it a bit more time, but not much.
  

Well, I'm tired and Dancing With the Stars is heating up. I've never watched it before, but tonight, it's fun. Thanks for listening. :)

Temptation! MWM

Mmmm.
I was looking for a quick, easy and yummy dessert to take to the piano teacher recently.
I searched through my Delicious bookmarks and came across one I had bookmarked ages ago from Beck, for her Grandma's Peanut Butter Squares.
Whoa!
These fit the bill completely.
Very easy.
Very quick.
And very, very delicious.
Too delicious maybe.
That sample I cut just kept getting bigger and bigger. ;)

You take brown sugar, karo, and peanut butter, mix it up. Add some cornflakes and press into a pan. Make a quick frosting of powdered sugar, a little butter, more peanut butter and milk. Easy-peasy.
I gilded the lily a bit by drizzling melted chocolate over.
Yum!

If you're looking for something quick to satisfy a craving, made from ingredients you probably have on hand, check out the recipe.

Check out other Mouth Watering Monday recipes.

Uh Oh

Yeah, so that happened last night.

Today I'm thankful that...
it didn't hit either house,
no one was hurt,
that when Mark's back was acting up a tree service was able to clean all this up for a reasonable price,
that everything wasn't much, much worse.

Hope we're done with serious storms for a while.
The rest of that tree scares me, but we just can't afford to have it topped right now.

Maybe it's just me...

If my 9-year old boy is going to play at someone's house he's never been to before; if I've never talked with the parent except when she asked to make sure pick up time was understood; and if my son has type-1 diabetes, food allergies and asthma, I think I would probably make sure: 1. the other mom knew the issues and what to do and not do, and 2. the other mom had telephone numbers to reach me, just in case there is a problem, because "I have type-1 diabetes, food allergies and asthma, I'll let J know if I start feeling funny", is not the most reassuring thing to be told upon meeting a new child.

Just sayin'.

Just Thursday

Outside my window..it’s raining. I hope it does it all day. Our lawn is brown and the ground rock hard.

The time is..6:38. My "free" time is almost up.

Today I feel...content.

I am thinking.. About everything I need to do--clean my house, go to the grocery store, work, bake treats for Rebekah, watch Matt & Lily, take the kids to dance, pick up dry cleaning for Saturday night wedding...

At the moment, I am thankful...that I'm feeling peace.

I am going...to clean my house this morning.

I am wearing...a denim skort and a coral t-shirt

I wish...weekends could be one day longer. Two days just isn't enough to fit everything in.

I am reading...The Virgin River series by Robyn Carr. It's awesome! Everything I love in a book.

I am working on...trying to figure out how to find time to clean my house and go to the store.

I am hoping...the orthodontist is not more than we can swing.

I am hearing...the gentle sound of the rain falling down. It sounds wonderful. Uh-oh, now there's thunder. My alone time will soon be over.

I bet you didn't know...I get to start watching a 6 week old in 6 weeks! He's not even here yet, but I have my start date. I'm very excited, but sad for his mommy. I know she's not going to be ready to go back to work at that point, but she has no choice.

One of my favorite...days of the week is Thursday--it's almost Friday!!!

I confess...hmmm, no confessional this morning I'm afraid. It's just not coming to me.

I thought it might be fun to link up with Murdock's Mama for her Just Thursday! meme. How's your Thursday looking?

I'm Listening

Lately, there's been a lot going on in my life. Some of which I've shared here, some of which I haven't. It's been overwhelming at times. Very hard to deal with. I don't usually talk like this, I've never even felt like this before, but I find myself sometimes feeling like I hear/feel God working in my life. Encouraging me to choose the right path, to let go, to heal.

We went on a small trip last weekend. On the way home we saw 3 rainbows.

It's taken me a few days to act, but I'm here, I'm listening Lord.

MPM *!#%!!*

Like that title? Meal planning right now is kicking my tush. It's going to be hard enough during our "normal" weeks, with everything that's going on around here, but this week is anything but "normal". Don't those first few weeks of school just kill you? Extra meetings, curriculum nights...I don't know, is it better to get everything over with at once, or would it be easier to string it out? Yeah, I know, all at once. *sigh*

Last week, when I wrote my MPM post, I was under the mistaken impression that Julianna's Monday night ballet class was 4:30-5:30. Oops! My bad. It's 5:30-6:30, giving me yet another impossible night for family dinner. Can I just say, I'm really, really regretting ever getting her involved in dance? It's expensive, I'm not at all sure right now how long I can keep her in it, and it's making family dinner's very difficult. I would pull her out in a minute except for some far-more-important things: 1. she loves it. Truly. She sees her identity in it, and while I know it will change, right now that's how it is. 2. We gave Rebekah the gift of dance. She danced for many, many years and it doesn't feel right to deny Julianna the same opportunity. 3. It's physical exercise. Something my children, like all children, dearly need. 4. It makes her happy. *sigh*

Sunday dinner (church): ??
Sunday supper: breakfast for dinner
Monday (dance): Trader Joe's Orange Chicken & rice, sichuan green beans
Tuesday (piano, PTA): Baked Spaghetti Casserole, salad, bread
Wednesday (dentist, scouts): Confetti Chicken Casserole, green salad
Thursday (dance, curriculum nights): pot luck
Friday: BBQ Ribs, oven baked potato wedges, veggies
Saturday lunch:
Saturday night (wedding): Chicken nuggets, noodles, peas

Have you tried those Sichuan Green Beans yet? Seriously awesome. I made them last week and not only did everyone eat them, there were actually complaints that there weren't more. Of a vegetable. Wow. Mark said he could eat an entire bowl of just those, and he wasn't kidding. Score!

Check out more meal plans at Organizing Junkie's.

Friday

So, I was supposed to start a new job today. A job that was really going to help stabilize our family financial situation. The new family was a no-show. *sigh*

Home daycare is a really, really hard way to make a living. When it's right, it's wonderful. I am very blessed to work for two families right now where things are very, very right. I'm truly thankful for that. Although...one of the families' mom is pregnant. So...this spring, at least until next fall most likely, I will lose that income. *sigh* One step forward, two steps back. There is good news there too though, next school year I will have two wonderful ones from that family to watch.

I realized yesterday that I'm angry. Angry about so many things, one of which is our financial situation. I can not believe how much things have changed, and I'm afraid I'm not adjusting very well. Yes, I'm queen of the understatement. I'll keep trying. Hopefully a big part of adjusting is being able to acknowledge what's wrong. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday how very much it's bothering me that everything has changed for us. Hopefully now I'll be able to figure out how to make myself feel better.

I'm very aware, truly, that we're much better off than most people in this world. I know that.

I also know we have much to be thankful for. I'm going to do my best, if only for today, to stop fretting. To stop looking down the road and literally making myself sick with worry about how everything's going to work out. Just for today, I'm going to do my best to sit back and enjoy the little one's I am lucky enough to share my day with, to enjoy my own kiddos when they come in the door at the end of their schooldays, and to enjoy being with my parents tonight. I have many blessings in my life, four healthy, wonderful, loving, responsible children are certainly tops on the list, and I'm going to do my best today to live in the present and enjoy that.

Happy New Year

Sometimes life just is what it is, and you have to let go of what it *should* be.

Not the holiday feast we've enjoyed in years past, but I managed to get the challah, honey and apples in at least.

Happy New Year
L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu!

(May you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a good year.)
Thanks Melisa for teaching me that.

Smile--WW

She makes me smile, even though I really, really miss her.

Check out 5 Minutes for Mom for more Wordless Wednesday.

Lily

Why is it that our thrill of vacuuming is so short-lasted?

2010 Meal Plan...Back to Routine

Finally. Labor Day. I dread it all summer, I love the easy, care-free days of summer. It's hard for me to get back into a routine until after Labor Day. This year especially. Rebekah's at school, my job's started, the kid's activities are picking up...it's time for a routine, and for me, part of routine is a meal plan. I've never stopped meal planning, it's just been loose and easy this summer--post-its on the computer. Now, as crazy as our schedule is, it's time to get back to a schedule.

My problem-child night is going to be Thursdays. Jacob and Julianna both have dance. We have to leave the house at 4:20. Their classes barely overlap, so we don't get home until 6:50ish. J&J typically get ready for bed at 7:30. I have no idea how to handle dinner on Thursdays. If you have some strategies, I'd love to hear it. All I can come up with is not feeding them. ;)

Lunches--Does anyone else have a hard time with this? Julianna's pretty easy. She likes to eat the school lunch, I try not to think about that too much, to be honest. On the days she doesn't pack she's happy with lots of things--peanut butter, turkey or roast beef, ramen noodles, mac and cheese in her thermos. Easy.

Then there's Jacob. Oy! He's a great eater. At home. If you cook exactly what he likes. I know that's just as much my fault as his, but sometimes you just don't see it coming, do you? He won't touch a school lunch. I'm fine with that. Honestly, if he were easier I would push Julianna to not eat them either, they're nutritionally ridiculous. But, he doesn't like peanut butter sandwiches, though he will eat them sometimes. No ramen, no mac and cheese. He likes lunch meat, but it's expensive, so it's not a good day-in day-out option. He likes it when I cook pasta noodles and combine it with caesar salad dressing, garbanzo beans, feta, peas and corn. I haven't made that for a while, I'll give it a try. I'm also going to try cheese and crackers. Of course, it can't be just any cheese, he loves asiago but, as he says, it's smelly! I can just see the kids when he whips that out, lol. I'm also going to try hummus and pitas. I had some success this summer with room temperature pita pizzas, we'll try that too.

If you have any ideas on good lunches for a picky eater, I'd love to hear them.

Lunches: Julianna--mac & cheese, peanut butter
Jacob: pita pizza, peanut butter, pasta salad, pasta salad
Kid's here: mac & cheese, peanut butter, grilled cheese, mac & cheese

Family meals:
Tuesday (piano, mom's night): Plum chicken, rice, sugar snap peas, Chocolate Chip Pretzel Cookie Bars
Wednesday (Mark out) Rosh Hashanah: Roast Chicken, noodle pudding, honey & apples, challah, green beans, apple cake or maybe just cereal, I haven't committed to this one in my head yet.
Thursday (dance 4:20-6:50--nightmare night for dinner!): Brown bagged leftovers from Rosh Hashanah or pot luck, we'll see.
Friday: Mom & Dad's

Check out more meal plans at Organizing Junkie's.

Bittersweet

So, our first weekend with Rebekah gone.
Friday night we headed to the football game.
The first football game we've been to in four years that we didn't go to with the sole purpose of watching Rebekah march.
I choked up when the band marched out.
I choked up a fair amount this weekend.

We were at the game to watch Julianna cheer.

Jacob spent every spare moment he could find this weekend reading the brand new Thirty-Nine Clues book. I get a lot of pleasure watching my kids love reading.

Saturday Julianna practiced cheerleading...a lot. :)

Jason, Lori, Matt & Lily came over to watch football games.
Lily had her first taste of licorice.

Sunday we took a trip to Creekside. So pretty. Balm for my soul, even though bittersweet memories were everywhere.

We parked at the local cemetery and walked through.
Unfortunately, it was full of memories too.
A good friend of mine from high school's father is buried there.
He was killed on a motorcycle.

My brother Jeff's best friend is also buried there.
I feel like Grady's grave is the closest thing I have to a place to visit Jeff.
My parents chose not to bury Jeff, he was cremated and his ashes scattered over the Grand Canyon, a place he loved. When Grady died, Jeff knew time was precious. He left home shortly thereafter. We never saw him again. He was killed on his motorcycle in January of 1982.

Later, we took a walk through Creekside.

Got ice cream,

and rented a paddle-boat.

It's been truly a bittersweet weekend so far,
but we're getting there, and we'll continue to grow into our new family reality.
Rebekah seems like she's doing well, and I'm very happy for her. Someone very smart summed it up perfectly, it's not that I cry because I'm worried about her, or worried she's somehow not ready. I cry because I really like her, I enjoy her company, and I'm really going to miss having her here everyday.

Move-In Day PSF

Thursday dawned bright and early and we were off to pack the car and head to Ohio University.
Somehow, we had to figure out how to get all that stuff into the van.

It was actually easier than I thought it would be.

At least we weren't so stuffed that someone had to sit on someone's lap!
They were from Pennsylvania. I wonder if they really travelled all that way like that.

We're here.

Where to begin???

After we got her all settled in, we had time to walk around and be together.
It was a good day. There were even times to be silly.

Lots of hugs.

Thankfully, Rebekah's roommate seems very nice.

Saying good-bye was really hard though.
It's cliche, but I truly can not believe how fast 18 years goes.

Bon Voyage Darling.
I hope it's a wonderful journey.

Hosted by Lisa and Cecily

A New Chapter Begins

Today's the day. In an half hour or so we'll be loading up and heading to OU. Not looking forward to it at all. I know today's going to be a difficult day, for all of us. Praying that things go well and that Rebekah's off to start a wonderful new chapter in her life.