Just Thursday--March 31

Outside my window..there's snow on the ground!  Unfortunately.  Still, it's nice this time of year to know that it can't last long.  Spring will come.

Today I feel..Exhausted.  Completely.  Sad.  Maybe a bit lacking in hope.  It's temporary, but it's so hard to see up close and personal how harsh life can be.

I miss..my friends.  There are three of us who meet every few months mid-way between our houses (an hour or so away) for a several hours long breakfast.  Unfortunately, we (me) have let life get in the way and it's gotten postponed and delayed over and over until it's been way too long since we've done it.  My friend Nancie, who lost her husband, was one of the friends, and I really, really miss seeing her.  I wish I was with her so I could give her a big hug and maybe do something that might help.  I also know though that right now is not the time for that.  Right now she's organizing and getting ready, and handling a million things; and all of that helps her get through the days ahead.  We will make the time to get together after though.  I will make sure of that.

I am thankful..yeah, this one's pretty obvious, isn't it?  I'm definitely thankful for Mark, for my family, for the love and support they've shown me.

Tomorrow I am..starting spring break.  It could not have come at a better time this year.  I'm going to unplug, literally, step away from the computer, step away from routine.  I'm going to try to be very in-tune to myself and my family and make a real effort to be in the moment in my life.

I am wearing..jeans, 3/4 length tee.  It's definitely my work uniform, so to speak.
I am hearing..Mark coughing.  It's really bad, with no signs of improvement.  It's worrying me.

I wish..Another obvious one.  I wish wishes could come true and that Dave was still with us.

My schedule this week[end] includes..being with/embracing my family, visitation/funeral, grocery shopping, laundry, errands.  Missing my birthday girl.  Rebekah turns 19 Saturday.  19!

I need to start..making conscious choices.  I'm in a place where I'm drifting along and it's getting me down.  Part of the consequence of that is not eating right/not exercising.  I want to change that.  Part of that is too much zoning out on the computer.  I want to work on living my life intentionally.

I am reading..nothing.  My brain is too fried.  I'll pick something light and meaningless soon.  Right now Jen Lancaster is too mean and everything else feels too hard.

I am working on..keeping the wheels turning, going through the motions, doing the things that still need to be done.  I'm also working on trying to reschedule our trip.  Jacob and Julianna were awesome at Christmastime when we had to cancel our mini-vacation because Mark and I had the flu, I hate to do that again.  It's looking like we're going to go eventually, now I just need to find my enthusiasm for it.

Yesterday I..drifted.  I worked on rescheduling our trip.  I went through the motions, did lots of laundry, was sad.  Yesterday I thought about how I was blessed to see that even though my kiddos were disappointed when they thought we were not going to be able to go on our trip, they were brave and compassionate, and they didn't just focus on what they had lost.  Yesterday I was blessed to have my hubby take care of me, support me, show he was really there for me.  Yesterday I felt so helpless to help someone I care about.  Yesterday I was sad to be so very, very far away from my friend.

I am hoping..Mark gets healthy soon.  His lungs are not in good shape.  The doctor described them as "really bad smoker's lungs"; no, he doesn't smoke.   I'm hoping he gets healthy soon.

I bet you didn't know..Today's Mr. Feeny's birthday!