Time

Time.  Probably my biggest nemesis.  If only I had more time...

I feel so pressed for time, all the time.  It stresses me out.  Big time.

Not only time to do things, I get stressed trying to find time to schedule things.

Big things.  Little things.  It really doesn't matter when I can't find time for them and they're important to me.

Right now, the most important items that I'm trying to fit into my "to-do" list:

• making pumpkin chocolate-chip bread with Julianna.  She's only been asking for this for forever.  :(  Hard to find time though.  Time when we might actually want it/eat it too.  Right now we have a couple of slices left of a delicious! chocolate cake she made with my daughter-in-law this weekend while we went to pick up Rebekah for an improptu trip home.  We have mini cupcakes leftover from a batch we made to send back with Rebekah.  We have awesome pumpkin snickerdoodles.  I don't see making the bread soon as next week is Julianna's birthday.  That means I'm making a cake Sunday for our family celebration with Jason, Lori, Matt & Lily, plus Rebekah.  I'm making brownies to take to school Tuesday and a cake for Tuesday night.  Plus, cupcakes for next Friday when she has a friend sleepover for her birthday.  Did I mention Halloween's in there somewhere with all it's junk as well?  *sigh*  No, obviously we don't need the junk, it's the stress, worry, and guilt.  You see, in my life, I have learned that things happen.  Bad things.  Things you're not prepared for that make you regret putting things off.  Therefore, I stress like crazy when I put things off.  
• Apple dumplings for Mark--same stresses as above, obviously.
• Wii time for Jacob.  I need to find some time to sit down and play with him for an hour or so.  Shouldn't be hard to find time for that, should it?  Yet, between my work schedule, my chores that I normally try to do around here, plus taking Julianna to dance, I'm struggling to find, you guessed it, time, to play with him.  
• Time to play cards with Julianna.  She's been after me for a few days now to play some card games.  How long does that take really?  Yet, one thing or another seems to come up and it doesn't happen.  *sigh*

Well, you may look at this list and think, 'what's her problem?  those things aren't that important, or if they are, just schedule them already'.  I know, because I try to tell myself that if those things were important I would have just scheduled them already.  That's really not true though.  These things are important to me, it's just that I keep letting life interfere.  I am really struggling with the guilt that I feel.  Does anyone else out there do this??

I also realize that there are probably far more important things that should be on my "to-do" list.  My house needs vacuumed, my floors haven't been mopped in a very long time, ditto deep cleaning the bathrooms.  Those things don't stress me out as much because, God forbid if something happened tomorrow, those things wouldn't matter.  These things?  The things that are important to the people I love?  Those things matter.

Thank you for listening.  I feel a tiny bit more in control already.  The baking has to be put off, there's not much I can do about that, but not forever.  I'm setting a deadline that by November 8th I will have made pumpkin bread with Julianna and apple dumplings for Mark.  I'm playing at least 3 games of cards with Julianna tonight, and as soon as Jacob's up to it I'm playing Wii. 

Then, I'll feel better, at least until the next list starts to build up in my mind.