I'll warn you up front, this post is not going to be eloquent. I'm pretty much going to give it one shot, and what sticks, sticks. It's too personal, too close, I'm not visiting this topic for long. I wish I could close it off in my mind as easily.
I turn The Today Show on in the mornings. If you're not in the US, that's a news/morning program. This morning, I went to put it on, saw Jacob sitting there, and opted not to. He looked at me quizzically. I told him there was going to be a story on there that was really ugly that I did not want him exposed to. He was curious, obviously, he's a bright kid and he follows current events as much as he can, but he accepted my position without argument.
Still, it stayed with me all day. I kept chewing on my response. I couldn't get it out of my head.
So, tonight, I did what I should have done this morning. Mark and I sat Jacob and Julianna down and I told them I hadn't handled things well this morning. I explained that an adult had touched children inappropriately, thus hurting the child. That just as bad, other adults knew that there was this adult who hurt children and did nothing. We talked about it. All of it. How wrong it is, but sadly we live in, they live in, a world where adults hurt children. That Mark and I will always do our absolute best to protect them, but that sadly it may not be enough. That if an adult touches them inappropriately it is never their fault. That they need to tell. That unfortunately, adults that do these things almost always know the children, the children trust them, they abuse that trust. It was an extremely uncomfortable conversation, for them, for us, but an extremely important one.
Adults who hurt kids almost always get away with it because no one tells. People are embarrassed, ashamed, and those feelings enable abusers to get away with it. People don't even talk about it in abstract.
Not us.
I may not be able to protect my kids from everything, though I will always try my hardest, but if, God forbid, they are ever hurt by someone else, it is not going to be because I was too embarrassed or scared to warn them.
I really urge you to talk about it in your families too.
I have 1 husband and 4 kids, 28, 20, 11 and 9...I'll be doing the mom thing forever, hence 4evermom.
4 comments:
That's good advice. We talk to our children about this topic too from time to time, but perhaps it's time for another little discussion.
AMEN, AMEN!!!!! I'm so glad you talked to them about this. It is so important. It is such a hard thing because you don't want your kids growing up frightened but you also don't want them to be taken advantage of or abused. What a world. Egad.
Well done!
Great post. They also need to know that it's not okay to be touched by teenagers, too. I HATED having to talk to my boys about that, but they need to hear it and know that it's okay to tell their parents.
It is totally a hard conversation. And I hate that we have to have it at all. But, knowledge is power.
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